AD | GIFTED | Body positivity is the buzz phrase of the moment, isn’t it? Everywhere you look there are celebrity-backed campaigns and products that are pushing their oh-so-simple DVDs, guides, and sworn-by tips for achieving body confidence. But what if none of that chimes with you? I mean, as a mum who’s no longer in her first flush of youth, I simply can’t identify with most of them. And let’s not forget those idealistic, PhotoShopped adverts either. What might look aspirational on a sunlit Greek beach doesn’t translate to a grey morning in Somerset.
Body positivity and mental health
Did you know that more than a third of us in the UK are unhappy with the way the way we look? I want to say that’s a surprising statistic but in fact I’m surprised that it’s only a third. There’s so much store placed on appearances. If you believe you don’t look good, you don’t feel good either. But why is there a perceived perfect way to look?
Who decides why one person is better than another, based solely on their appearance? (Daily Mirror, I’m looking at you). For example, the body shaming that goes on after each celebrity event is shocking. I mean how would you feel about going on national TV, knowing you’ll probably be torn to shreds by some journalist, based solely on your chosen outfit? Is it any wonder such sensationalist treatment leads to depression and mental health issues?
Body positivity role models
I’ve written before about body confidence and not having really enjoyed it since my early twenties. Social media wasn’t such a thing back then though, I successfully created all my insecurities entirely by myself. Because there just weren’t many body positivity role models to look up to in the glossy magazines and TV shows – at least, not for me.
Nowadays though, there are a whole range of models (Ashley Graham), Instagram influencers, and YouTubers who prove that body confidence really does come in all shapes and sizes. I mean come on, didn’t Florence absolutely ROCK in her holiday snaps? And I absolutely LOVED the Naked Beach show on Channel Four too. Seeing the delight and relief of those who volunteered and eventually went the full Monty was both enjoyable and inspiring.
Body positivity and me
Learning to accept my body is an ongoing process for me, especially as I’ve put on two stone in the last year. Looking again at my bookmarked Bustle page, Emma Watson’s quote stands out for me this time. “Feeling beautiful has nothing to do with what you look like.” I know what she means, but I’ll come back to this later as I want to turn it on its head.
In the meantime, I want to share five relatively simple steps that I’m taking to help me embrace body positivity for myself. It’s not a prescriptive guide by any means and you may choose to disagree with some, or all of them. Whatever chimes with you is going to be what right for you. These are just what I’m finding works for me.
#01 Appreciate and accept that your body is a wonderful creation
Rather than focus on the negatives, write down what you like about yourself and what your body has enabled you to do. Because you’d never criticise your friends the way you do yourself, would you? For example, while I’ve had to accept my crop top days are long gone, my body grew, nurtured, and birthed a fabulous human being. And I’ve been told that I have an approachable and friendly mien (although I can also give a mean resting bitch face when provoked).
#02 Don’t compare yourself to others
There’s a reason that comparison is the thief of joy. Try and accept that we are all different shapes, colours and sizes. And on a different journeys at different stages of our lives. Remind yourself that what you see in public may have no relation to the private person. And remember, there are lots of photo filters and photo editing apps out there…
#03 Dress for yourself
When you go shopping, buy clothes that fit you, not in the size you want to be in the hopes you’ll lose or gain the weight. It’s fine to take inspiration from celebs and models, but please realise Chanel and Gaultier are not designing for you. Look to the high street instead. And don’t underestimate the joys of charity shops, I’ve found some of my favourite outfits this way. (Although that’s a whole other post).
#04 Wear things that make you feel good
Leading on from point #03, treating yourself is a wonderful way to promote self-love. Retail therapy isn’t a cure-all but sometimes it’s the perfect boost. And instead of reaching for the same greying bra and supermarket knickers, why not invest in your self-care with some gorgeous new lingerie?
I was very lucky to be able to choose some beautiful pieces from UK Lingerie * recently. Their motto is “Look good. Feel good. Every day.” and I can tell you that wearing these makes me feel good from the skin out. (Plus, I didn’t have to worry about anything not fitting properly thanks to their same working day dispatch and free UK returns guarantee).
First up is this gorgeous Charnos Flamenco bra and knicker set. Although it’s not a colour combination I normally go for, I love the silver and blue floral design. And I’ve discovered that blue is so much more skin-flattering than black.
Both the bra and knickers are super comfortable and supportive too. The mix of silk and (non-scratchy) lace, coupled with the beautiful bow details, make this my new favourite underwear of choice.
My limited edition Playtex Flower Elegance plum bra and knicker duo is also stunning. When you hear the name Playtex, you might think of heavy duty boulder holders but this design is so delicate and feminine.
The lace, trims, and bows are all a million miles away from utilitarian bras and the set is just so comfy and flattering that I’m always really reluctant to take it off.
#05 Allow yourself a day off
Because you’re only human after all and sometimes we all need a break. Painting my nails always makes me feel more put together (even if it stops me gardening for a while). Being left alone to read my new book with a glass of wine works for me too. And nothing beats snuggling up with Alan, Flora and one/all of our cats every once in a while.
Lessons learned?
I said I wanted to turn Emma Watson’s quote on its head and here’s why. Feeling beautiful has everything to do with how you perceive yourself. Body positivity is so much more than outward appearances, it’s true. But body confidence is something that we all have an absolute right to feel.
And learning to accept what you see in the mirror and embracing yourself with all your flaws (real and imagined) is a start. So, treating myself to some gorgeous, feminine, properly-fitting lingerie that’s right for my body shape is how I mean to go on.
Are you confident in your body? If so that’s great. If not, what steps are you taking towards feeling some body positivity and self-love?
* This post features gifted items, but all opinions are my own.
Oh my gosh these are stunning!! 💕. I am trying to be more body positive !
They are, aren’t they? Just gorgeous, I’m very lucky!
Yes yes yes! You have nailed it! It’s not about being a certain size or shape, it’s just about accepting there’s beauty in all sizes and shapes and that you can be healthy and happy without being a size 8! I think the biggest problem, aside from the DM/Heat mag shaming bodies, is that there aren’t enough normal images of bodies in publications/advertising. It is improving but there’s still backlash and comments such as what Florence experienced, a lot is young naivety about what real bodies look like, a lot is a lack of seeing such bodies as they should be i.e normal and healthy. If there were daily images of such bodies rather than too many filtered, photoshopped, surgically enhanced bodies flooding everywhere then they’d be accepted much more and not ridiculed. I despair sometimes at the amount of moaning about bodies and skin and weight/diets I see from people who really shouldn’t, because I think that perpetuates the problem, they don’t accept themselves so others see that and think “well I’m bigger/spottier/wrinklier/have more cellulite than them” so they feel bad about themselves and the cycle continues, that’s why I love following a mix of body positive accounts, all different ages, sizes and shapes, but who just accept themselves positively like Chessie King, Davina McCall, Kate Lawler, The Food Medic, Poorna Bell, Stacey Solomon, Dr Anjali Mahto, Pixie Nutrition, etc.
P.s. love the undies, I’ve decided I need to get prettier pieces I’ve gone very “practical” lately terrifyingly 🤣
Oh wow, Gem, thank you so much, I’m so happy you think so! I loved writing this post so much, in fact I had to stop myself from writing too much. The original post was much longer, I’ve edited it down, haha. I completely agree with you about the lack of daily normal images of bodies in publications/advertising. I don’t see why it’s down to influencers and certain celebs to lead the way, I think the media industry should be doing the same. And thank you for that list of accounts to follow, some I hadn’t heard of so I’ll be checking them out. Yes, do treat yourself to some pretty undies, they make such a difference to how I feel when I’m wearing them 🙂 xx
That’s great and you’re welcome, I hope you enjoy the new accounts. I see more birthmarks, stretch marks, body hair etc on standard company ads and on their sites advertising clothes etc but some are still way behind, only using size 12 models for plus size clothing shoots etc, normalising bodies in all their forms is so important on the daily. I’m fussy with underwear 🤣 I like comfort but not too expensive and as a pear shape sets aren’t always flattering but I’m going to give it a go lol I used to always buy pretty stuff
I know what you mean about price and comfort. And I always used to buy pretty stuff too, I’m not sure what happened to that! x
These sets are beautiful! I love the idea of body positivity it’s just so hard to put in practise. I would love to feel confident in my own body, it’s something I am working on and I want to loose some weight too. I love the idea behind this!
My favourite set is the blue one, it is so pretty. I always feel prettier when I know I have a beautiful set on 😂🙈 thank you for sharing Lisa ❤️Xx
They are gorgeous, aren’t they? I feel very lucky to have been given them. And they actually fit me properly, which makes me feel even better. I know what you mean about feeling better when you have nice undies, it makes all the difference. Thank you for your lovely comment, Lauren! xx
A day off and dress for yourself are great ones! I work a lot and find it difficult to have a down day. But I always make sure my hair looks nice and wear nice clothes as it just makes you feel better about yourself!
I know what you mean about having a down day. I freelance from home and I find it so hard to switch off but when I do, I feel so much better for it. Sundays tend to be my day of self-care in my garden, I get very grumpy if I can’t have that me-time!
That is similar to me Sundays are my outside days as the rest of the week I am in an office or teaching x
I’m lucky that my back bedroom is also my office and I have a view of my garden 🙂 x
LOVE this! Everyone should feel comfortable in their own skin!
Thank you, so glad you enjoyed it 🙂
I’m so not a lingerie person, but these are gorgeous – something I should consider I think!
They really are something special – why not treat yourself? 🙂
Such beautiful lingerie sets! I try to be body positive but will admit it is very hard sometimes. Really lovely post though and so very important! 😀
Sarah 🌺 || http://www.boxnip.co.uk
Thank you so much, I did love writing this post, it’s one that I feel very strongly about. And yes, I’m so lucky with the lingerie sets, they are gorgeous! 🙂
I can 100% relate to this! Body positivity is such a rollercoaster of up and downs for me. Comparison is a weird one for me. Sometimes it does positive things, like spurring me on in a workout when I want to stop. And then sometimes it just makes me feel rubbish. Dressing for yourself is a great tip too! x
Sophie
http://www.glowsteady.co.uk
Body confidence and positivity really is an ongoing journey for me. Sometimes I feel OK, sometimes I feel awful. But since I’ve started trying to dress for my size and shape it is getting easier. And wearing some beautiful underwear certainly makes me feel a whole lot happier! x
Yes to all of it!! You really hit a home run with this post. To accept one self means we need to accept our whole self and love every inch of us.
Oh thank you so much, I’m so glad you enjoyed it and that’s a wonderful compliment!
I think since I’ve been getting older I now pay more attention to how I feel about my body, I never used to really think about it or compare myself to others and now I do it without realising. I’m starting to get better and not compare but it does get hard. Those sets are so gorgeous, I really like the first set with the blue and silver! Loved this post! X
Body image and confidence never occurred to me when I was a lot younger but I do think age has changed that mindset. I agree, comparison is so hard not to do but when I manage not to I feel a lot happier. Thank you so much for your lovely comment x
This is a really powerful post with an important message. I love these tips, and hope to follow them as best as I can! Also, the garments are absolutely beautiful. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you very much, it’s a topic I feel very strongly about so I’m glad that came across. And yes, the lingerie is gorgeous, isn’t it! 🙂
Oh I love these sets, they’re adorable! It’s really hard for me to find super cute sets because I am Busty but not so large on the bottom. But it’s getting easier, which I love, because it helps with my body image!
They really are beautiful, aren’t they? And the sets come in all sizes, you can mix and match so I’m sure you’d find something that would suit you – yay for pretty underwear and body confidence! 🙂
Inspirational stuff! #3 is such an important point to make – I spent a fortune on clothes I wanted to look great in, only to realise they would look great if I were smaller, or had a different body shape. When I shop, I now think – will it be comfortable and will I feel amazing in it. I don’t think about ‘fashion’ or how others perceive me now xxx
Thank you – and right back at you, that’s such a positive and refreshing attitude to take towards clothes shopping, how wonderful! xx
Amazing post Lisa! I’ve actually recently wrote a post about self esteem and improving your confidence when you have low self esteem cos body confidence is something I’ve never had. I’ve always had such a struggle with the relationship with my body and how I see myself.
Jenny
http://www.jennyinneverland.com
Thank you so much, Jenny, that’s so kind. I’m glad it resonated with you (in a good way!) I think it’s such an important topic and one that can never not be talked about enough (terribly syntax but you know what I mean) xxx
This is such a wonderful post, Lisa! It is so encouraging and inspiring, and I am most definitely feeling a positivity boost after reading this! These are such great suggestions, I especially agree with your point about dressing for yourself and wearing what is comfortable and suits us best. I know I feel much more confident when wearing something that fits me properly… if I am shopping and pick up a top that is cropped, I’m like nope, that is going straight back on the rail, hah. Also wow, that underwear is simply stunning! I love both sets, they are so beautiful and look so comfortable too. I love the little bows, so cute and pretty! Thank you for sharing such a positive and healthy message, fabulous post and gorgeous photos too! <3 xxx
Oh Bexa, thank you so much, this is SUCH a lovely thing to say! I know exactly what you mean about putting things back on the rail – the triumph of reality over expectation, haha. I’m so glad you enjoyed this post, I loved writing it and I think it’s a topic that really does need repeat examination. And I feel so lucky with my new lingerie, they are just perfect and make me feel very special indeed when I wear them. Thank you so much again for your lovely comment xxx
I love this post and all of the steps you’ve outlined! That blue lingerie set is gorgeous, by the way! On point number 3, “when you go shopping, buy clothes that fit you”, I think this also applies to clothes that are overly baggy as well. I’m pretty bad for this because I hate feeling like my clothes are clinging to me, but properly fitting clothes can complement your shape and make you look fab, whereas bulkier items distort your silhouette. 🙂 Awesome post, Lisa!
Thank you, Ruth! And yes, you’re absolutely right about baggy clothes, I’m guilty of this too. While I’m not keen on my excess rolls, wearing a tent does nothing for me either so I try very hard to steer clear. Thank you so much, I’m very glad you enjoyed this post! x
I’m currently listening to Sofie Hagen’s “Happy Fat” audio book and have a LOT of my beliefs shaken (in a good way.) I’ve been shopping to day and mostly managed not to go for loose. I do need to lose a little weight as I’m classed as pre-diabetic, but I’m no longer aiming at thin. It’s an unrealistic goal that’s only going to do me harm in the long run.
Misa 💫
Those sound like very realistic and sensible goals and a great step towards body positivity – good luck!
I like all these suggestions. I like the tips about wearing what feels good and don’t compare yourself to others. Yeah, I constantly compare myself to others. Thanks for sharing, lovely 🙂
You’re very welcome, I’m so pleased you enjoyed the post 🙂
Love this post Lisa. You are absolutely right about accepting beauty in all shapes and sizes. But all the photoshopped images of perfect models with too perfect bodies forces us to compare ourselves with them and this is taking the toll on most ladies.I totally agree on wearing clothes that we are comfortable in. And beautiful lingerie actually makes us feel confident and beautiful. Investing in good lingerie is so important and I love both the pieces you have featured. 🙂
Via | http://glossnglitters.com
Thank you so much, Via, I’m so glad you enjoyed this piece. It’s a topic I feel very strongly about (as you can probably tell!) and I feel very lucky to have been gifted such lovely underwear sets, they really do make me feel special, which all counts towards body positivity 🙂 xx
I think buying clothes was always one of my biggest hurdles. Now my wardrobe has clothes from a 14 – 22 all dependant on style, store etc. and they all fit perfectly I just needed to get out of the number mindset
Yes, the numbers game is such a losing battle, isn’t it? I’m still not thrilled that my numbers have gone up but at least I’m not trying to force myself into too-small items and making myself unhappy over it!
Such a lovely post. I’m trying to be a bit more positive about my body too so I’ll definitely take these tips on board. The lingerie is beautiful, so I’m going to check the website out.
Thank you so much – and I’m sure you’ll find lots of gorgeous pieces to choose from, I found it really hard to narrow down my favourites! x
I swear by a matching, sexy lingerie set. They hold an unbelievable magical power. The confidence I exude, the pep in my step.
And that blue and silver Charnos set 👌🏽
Absolutely. Even if it’s only me who knows I’m wearing them, I feel like a Queen 😊